The Insider’s Guide: surviving family violence

Experiencing family violence or partner violence can leave us feeling isolated and alone. It can mess with our minds and even make us feel crazy. We often blame ourselves for what's happening, and it can make us feel like there's nowhere to turn. Throughout this series, you'll hear firsthand stories of people who have experienced family violence. And the reason these courageous people are sharing these stories is because they want people who are experiencing family violence to know that they are not alone, that they are not crazy, that it's not their fault, and that helpful support is available.

Sandra and Kahukura have both endured violence in intimate relationships. Sandra, a bisexual woman, was the victim of physical, psychological and emotional abuse at the hands of a female partner. Kahukura is takatāpui non-binary trans and suffered severe abuse from two partners. They both talk candidly about the emotional scars left by the abuse and the steps they took to rebuild their lives. They also explore the unique ways family violence shows up in takatāpui and rainbow communities.

Sandra has since founded an organisation called Hohou Te Rongo Kahukura, dedicated to building violence-free Takatāpui and Rainbow communities in Aotearoa.

** Content warning: This episode contains descriptions of or discussion about sexual abuse, attempted homicide, physical abuse, suicide and some strong language.

To connect with Hohou Te Rongo Kahukura, visit https://kahukura.co.nz/.

If you would like support, you can click 'get help now' in the bottom right hand corner of the screen to start a webchat with the Are You OK helpline, or call the helpline on 0800 456 450 to speak anonymously to a safe person.