Signs of serious danger
Your life is in serious danger if your partner is doing any of these things:
- Strangles, chokes or cuts off your breathing (if you have been strangled/choked you may need medical help)
- Threatens to kill you
- Violence is getting worse, more frequent, or both
You have the right to be safe in your relationship.
Other signs that your life could be at risk:
Although the signs below aren’t physical, these behaviours can also be dangerous and life-threatening.
- Controls what you do and who you can see
- Shows intense jealousy or possessiveness
- Intimidates you or uses others to intimidate you
- Stalks you
You have the right to live without fear.
Feeling scared or threatened
Feeling scared, restricted, or threatened in a relationship is abusive
You deserve to live a life where you can make your own choices, nurture your kids and stay connected to people and places that matter to you.
Other signs your partner is controlling you could include things like not letting you leave the house, not letting you choose your clothes, limiting who you can see, threatening your status in the community (this could include your visa status) and/or not keeping you and your whānau safe. It could also include controlling your money, for example monitoring all your spending and/or not giving you enough money for food and essentials.
Your partner frightening you or punishing you is also abuse.
You deserve to be cared for, respected, and valued by your partner. If you are worried, help and support is available for yourself, your kids and anyone who’s affected.
Plan for your safety
There's help if you want it
There are specialist family violence support services that operate 24/7. You can contact them for a conversation, to get some support to plan out some steps to take, or to ask advice.
